I had a long day today. School was normal, but I was very tired by the end of the day. I had to go to the bank and the post office, but I didn't waste time. When I got home, I collapsed on my bed and fell asleep almost immediately.
While I was snoozing, I had a really good dream. It was like everything important that I'm thinking about right now, strung together for my mind's entertainment. I thought it was really a look at how emotional and depressed I feel right now. It was an unbiased perspective of my feelings about what is happening in my life. The dream was happy, but it was sad, too, especially looking back on it. I think the message of the dream was how important close friendship is to me but how afraid I am of losing it.
All of a sudden, I heard the punishingly loud noise of someone knocking on my bedroom door. It was my dad telling me to get up. Why did the dream have to end? I glanced at my alarm clock and saw that I had been asleep for almost 2 hours. It felt like 15 minutes while I was dreaming. I knew the dream was important and that I would forget it soon, so I wrote it down in my diary before I emerged from my room. I plan to look over it again tomorrow morning. It's not that hard to understand what this dream is telling me, it's just reinforcing what I'm going through in real life. Honestly, do I need the reminder? All I need is some support.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Changed
I had the brakes fixed on my car last week. I generally love spending money, except that this time it is was an unhappy $400 surprise. Nobody said car repair was convenient, it's really a wake-up call. Painfully, now I will have to commit the criminal offense of reducing my personal spending. It's back to only spending 1/3 of my paycheck and saving the rest...
The stretch of time between November and January is when I have the most birthday presents to buy, not to mention Christmas. Right now, it's a scary thought that won't leave me alone. I found a glass jar in my kitchen that I'm going to use to store my loose change, which had been accumulating in my car for a long time. Today is day 1 of my "Birthday/Christmas" fund. I know it won't cover everything, but hopefully I can make a decent amount of money from it.
Another area where I can't spend much money is on books. I think new books can be ridiculously expensive. I avoid libraries if I have a choice. I'll be honest: the reason I don't like to use them is because I'm against doing things on someone else's time, the exceptions being that either I have to or there is some kind of reward for me involved. Getting books used isn't bad as a compromise, most of my Giles Milton books were used.
I think saving more and spending it on other people will be a good experience for me, the hard part is staying committed to it.
The stretch of time between November and January is when I have the most birthday presents to buy, not to mention Christmas. Right now, it's a scary thought that won't leave me alone. I found a glass jar in my kitchen that I'm going to use to store my loose change, which had been accumulating in my car for a long time. Today is day 1 of my "Birthday/Christmas" fund. I know it won't cover everything, but hopefully I can make a decent amount of money from it.
Another area where I can't spend much money is on books. I think new books can be ridiculously expensive. I avoid libraries if I have a choice. I'll be honest: the reason I don't like to use them is because I'm against doing things on someone else's time, the exceptions being that either I have to or there is some kind of reward for me involved. Getting books used isn't bad as a compromise, most of my Giles Milton books were used.
I think saving more and spending it on other people will be a good experience for me, the hard part is staying committed to it.
Friday, September 10, 2010
White Gold
You could call this "book review month" for my blog. I just finished yet another Giles Milton book, White Gold: the Extraordinary Story of Thomas Pellow and Islam's One Million White Slaves. It was honestly one of the best books I have ever read! I consider myself a tough judge of a book's quality, so I guess that says something about White Gold.
White Gold is based on the true experiences of a Cornish boy named Thomas Pellow who was a Christian slave in Morocco. In 1715, the eleven year old Thomas Pellow was on a trading voyage with his uncle in the Mediterranean when their ship was ambushed by Barbary pirates. The pirates kidnapped Pellow, his uncle, and the crew and took them to Morocco, where they were auctioned off as slaves. They were bought by the Sultan of Morocco, Moulay Ismail. The slaves were forced to march to the imperial capital of Meknes, where Moulay Ismail personally inspected them. The sultan saw potential in the young Thomas Pellow, so he was one of a handful of new slaves that were set aside for special treatment, the rest were sent immediately to the horrific slave pens. White Gold is an account of Thomas Pellow's 23 years in captivity, his rise from a slave to being influential in the sultan's court, and his eventual escape back to his home in Cornwall.
White Gold is a great book in part because Thomas Pellow's story is so remarkable. It is also helped by the fact that the two main characters (for lack of a better word), Thomas Pellow and Moulay Ismail, are both interesting in their own way, which makes the book very entertaining as the events unfold.
Moulay Ismail had a reputation for doing things according to his split-second, at times even psychotic, whims. He was a rigid disciplinarian who required excellence and absolute obedience from his closest advisors down to his slaves, who he saw as one in the same. Under the surface, Moulay Ismail was clever, ambitious, and calculating. Using exclusively Christian slave labor, he planned to build an immense palace that would surpass any in Europe both in size and grandeur. Moulay Ismail was in his sixties by the time Thomas Pellow came into the picture, but remained as formidable as ever. If a servant displeased him enough, he would often carry out the execution himself, as was the case on the day that Pellow first met him. It is estimated that the imperial harem, strictly for the sultan's private use, was home to 2000 women. Moulay Ismail was rumored to have been the father of 900 children over the course of his lifetime.
Thomas Pellow was smart and quick-thinking, which won him favor with the sultan. After arriving in Meknes, Moulay Ismail selected him for some alternative duties as a slave. At first, Pellow was a gift to one of the sultan's sons. During the day, Pellow worked on building the huge new palace, while at night was brutally tortured by his owner in hopes of forcibly converting him to Islam. Under pressure, Pellow gave in and apostatized, which allowed him a more comfortable life while in captivity. At different points he was a guard of Moulay Ismail's harem, learned fluent Arabic and became a translator for the sultan, and led imperial armies in battles against rebel forces. Unfortunately, The European ambassadors who came to Meknes in order to negotiate the release of Christian slaves regarded him as a traitor for becoming a Muslim and made no attempts to free him. Pellow was extraordinarily still able to make it through more than two decades of enslavement before his escape.
I was surprised to find that prior to reading White Gold, I had never heard of white slavery. It seems to be an event that has nearly vanished from history books. Giles Milton's deeper message with the book is clearly one that is against any intolerance and slavery regardless of who is the victim. Have we understood it, or must we still learn that lesson today?
White Gold is based on the true experiences of a Cornish boy named Thomas Pellow who was a Christian slave in Morocco. In 1715, the eleven year old Thomas Pellow was on a trading voyage with his uncle in the Mediterranean when their ship was ambushed by Barbary pirates. The pirates kidnapped Pellow, his uncle, and the crew and took them to Morocco, where they were auctioned off as slaves. They were bought by the Sultan of Morocco, Moulay Ismail. The slaves were forced to march to the imperial capital of Meknes, where Moulay Ismail personally inspected them. The sultan saw potential in the young Thomas Pellow, so he was one of a handful of new slaves that were set aside for special treatment, the rest were sent immediately to the horrific slave pens. White Gold is an account of Thomas Pellow's 23 years in captivity, his rise from a slave to being influential in the sultan's court, and his eventual escape back to his home in Cornwall.
White Gold is a great book in part because Thomas Pellow's story is so remarkable. It is also helped by the fact that the two main characters (for lack of a better word), Thomas Pellow and Moulay Ismail, are both interesting in their own way, which makes the book very entertaining as the events unfold.
Moulay Ismail had a reputation for doing things according to his split-second, at times even psychotic, whims. He was a rigid disciplinarian who required excellence and absolute obedience from his closest advisors down to his slaves, who he saw as one in the same. Under the surface, Moulay Ismail was clever, ambitious, and calculating. Using exclusively Christian slave labor, he planned to build an immense palace that would surpass any in Europe both in size and grandeur. Moulay Ismail was in his sixties by the time Thomas Pellow came into the picture, but remained as formidable as ever. If a servant displeased him enough, he would often carry out the execution himself, as was the case on the day that Pellow first met him. It is estimated that the imperial harem, strictly for the sultan's private use, was home to 2000 women. Moulay Ismail was rumored to have been the father of 900 children over the course of his lifetime.
Thomas Pellow was smart and quick-thinking, which won him favor with the sultan. After arriving in Meknes, Moulay Ismail selected him for some alternative duties as a slave. At first, Pellow was a gift to one of the sultan's sons. During the day, Pellow worked on building the huge new palace, while at night was brutally tortured by his owner in hopes of forcibly converting him to Islam. Under pressure, Pellow gave in and apostatized, which allowed him a more comfortable life while in captivity. At different points he was a guard of Moulay Ismail's harem, learned fluent Arabic and became a translator for the sultan, and led imperial armies in battles against rebel forces. Unfortunately, The European ambassadors who came to Meknes in order to negotiate the release of Christian slaves regarded him as a traitor for becoming a Muslim and made no attempts to free him. Pellow was extraordinarily still able to make it through more than two decades of enslavement before his escape.
I was surprised to find that prior to reading White Gold, I had never heard of white slavery. It seems to be an event that has nearly vanished from history books. Giles Milton's deeper message with the book is clearly one that is against any intolerance and slavery regardless of who is the victim. Have we understood it, or must we still learn that lesson today?
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Trouble in Paradise
I finally finished Paradise Lost: Smyrna, 1922. It was a great book, so I guess the reason I quit reading it before was my own short attention span more than anything else. That said, it isn't a book I would read again any time soon.
It was just as compelling and readable as any other of Giles Milton's non-fiction books. The difference is that Paradise Lost had a much more depressing and somber subject matter than anything he had written before. During the last third of the book, it brought me to the verge of tears.
The book is very well-written, but some of Milton's distinctive writing style is missing. Although the author's fingerprints are all over it, the book lacks any of his humor. In his previous books, he could always manage to find some otherwise insignificant detail in the story that would make me laugh. Often, the humor was a key ingredient to what made reading his books so addictive. I can understand where Milton is coming from because adding any humor would not only undermine the book's serious tone, but also be inappropriate and insulting to the victims of the real life tragedy it depicts. Giles Milton's goal was not to be charming or humorous when he wrote Paradise Lost. I just prefer his books when they are lighter reads.
While not Milton's best work, Paradise Lost: Smyrna, 1922 is worthwhile reading. If you have never read any of Giles Milton's books, I would suggest beginning with something happier like the ever-entertaining Big Chief Elizabeth, which will give you a better idea of what most of his books are like.
It was just as compelling and readable as any other of Giles Milton's non-fiction books. The difference is that Paradise Lost had a much more depressing and somber subject matter than anything he had written before. During the last third of the book, it brought me to the verge of tears.
The book is very well-written, but some of Milton's distinctive writing style is missing. Although the author's fingerprints are all over it, the book lacks any of his humor. In his previous books, he could always manage to find some otherwise insignificant detail in the story that would make me laugh. Often, the humor was a key ingredient to what made reading his books so addictive. I can understand where Milton is coming from because adding any humor would not only undermine the book's serious tone, but also be inappropriate and insulting to the victims of the real life tragedy it depicts. Giles Milton's goal was not to be charming or humorous when he wrote Paradise Lost. I just prefer his books when they are lighter reads.
While not Milton's best work, Paradise Lost: Smyrna, 1922 is worthwhile reading. If you have never read any of Giles Milton's books, I would suggest beginning with something happier like the ever-entertaining Big Chief Elizabeth, which will give you a better idea of what most of his books are like.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Waiting for Wolfram
I am very happy. I've reached the halfway point of Paradise Lost: Smyrna, 1922 and plan to get to the end this time (the third attempt). The fact that it has found its way back to my bookshelf unfinished really bothers me. The book started slow, but it picked up the pace quickly. It's a page-turner. Right now I can't help but ask myself, "What are you doing writing this blog? Go read Paradise Lost!!"
I learned some exciting news today: Giles Milton is releasing a new book soon! It is called Wolfram: The Boy who went to War. There isn't much information out there about the book just yet. It won't be published until February 17, 2011, and most likely in the United Kingdom first, then it will be released in America later on. I found one tantalizing paragraph about Wolfram from Amazon.com (or hopefully straight from the dust jacket!):
The fighter bombers appeared from nowhere ...there was no time to think about firing back, nor even to unharness the horses pulling the artillery. Wolfram buried his head in his arms as the opening salvo exploded all around him. The ground shuddered and jolted as heavy weaponry thumped into the soil. It was like a giant fist punching the ground. Explosion after explosion. Thump - thump - thump.The Allied bombers screamed in from the sea, spilling hundreds of shells onto the troops below. As the air filled with exploding shrapnel, one young German soldier flung himself into a ditch and prayed that his ordeal would soon be over.Wolfram Aichele was nine years old when Hitler came to power: his formative years were spent in the shadow of the Third Reich. He and his parents - free-thinking artists - were to have first hand experience of living under one of the most brutal regimes in history.Wolfram: The Boy Who Went to War overturns all the cliches about life under Hitler. It is a powerful story of warfare and human survival and a reminder that civilians on all sides suffered the consequences of Hitler's war. It is also an eloquent testimony to the fact that even in times of exceptional darkness there remains a brilliant spark of humanity that can never be totally extinguished. Wolfram is the father-in-law of best-selling writer, Giles Milton.
It sounds like it will be a great read, just like Milton's other books. It might be even better, considering the added insight that Milton must have from knowing in person the subject of his book. I'm anxiously awaiting February 17. I can only hope that Wolfram will be released simultaneously in both the UK and the US. I haven't been this excited about a book since I waited in line twice (thanks to a certain sister who must-not-be-named) at the midnight launch of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
I have to finish Paradise Lost before I become so distracted by Giles Milton's next book that I forget this one completely.
I learned some exciting news today: Giles Milton is releasing a new book soon! It is called Wolfram: The Boy who went to War. There isn't much information out there about the book just yet. It won't be published until February 17, 2011, and most likely in the United Kingdom first, then it will be released in America later on. I found one tantalizing paragraph about Wolfram from Amazon.com (or hopefully straight from the dust jacket!):
The fighter bombers appeared from nowhere ...there was no time to think about firing back, nor even to unharness the horses pulling the artillery. Wolfram buried his head in his arms as the opening salvo exploded all around him. The ground shuddered and jolted as heavy weaponry thumped into the soil. It was like a giant fist punching the ground. Explosion after explosion. Thump - thump - thump.The Allied bombers screamed in from the sea, spilling hundreds of shells onto the troops below. As the air filled with exploding shrapnel, one young German soldier flung himself into a ditch and prayed that his ordeal would soon be over.Wolfram Aichele was nine years old when Hitler came to power: his formative years were spent in the shadow of the Third Reich. He and his parents - free-thinking artists - were to have first hand experience of living under one of the most brutal regimes in history.Wolfram: The Boy Who Went to War overturns all the cliches about life under Hitler. It is a powerful story of warfare and human survival and a reminder that civilians on all sides suffered the consequences of Hitler's war. It is also an eloquent testimony to the fact that even in times of exceptional darkness there remains a brilliant spark of humanity that can never be totally extinguished. Wolfram is the father-in-law of best-selling writer, Giles Milton.
It sounds like it will be a great read, just like Milton's other books. It might be even better, considering the added insight that Milton must have from knowing in person the subject of his book. I'm anxiously awaiting February 17. I can only hope that Wolfram will be released simultaneously in both the UK and the US. I haven't been this excited about a book since I waited in line twice (thanks to a certain sister who must-not-be-named) at the midnight launch of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
I have to finish Paradise Lost before I become so distracted by Giles Milton's next book that I forget this one completely.
Friday, September 3, 2010
True Appreciation
I am a jealous person, no doubt about it. I am jealous normally in a restrained, quiet way. I rarely openly express it. I tend to allow my jealousy and resentment to build up inside me before sooner or later it explodes in rage. Mostly, if not always, my anger stems from jealousy. As it relates to my loved ones and the people I care most about, I have to remind myself quite often that if I really love them, I would not allow mean-spirited jealousy to get in the way. I also have to remember that jealousy is an emotion that comes from fear, not love.
This isn't easy for me. I am a work in progress!!
While I thought about it, this question came to mind: do the people that have something others want feel as grateful and appreciate its value as the outsider who does not have it, but wants it?
With lots of help, support, and phone calls, I have been working to change my endlessly jealous attitude toward other people without CP (I've decided that it's my blog, I'll write whatever I want!). I am trying to get to the middle ground where I can accept that I have it, but don't feel sorry for myself.The hardest part is staying there. Nothing holds me back, nothing at all. I can't deal with this bullshit anymore! Call me arrogant, but I know I am meant for better things and I expect them, so I will work my hardest to earn them. I want to reach a point where I won't feel the need to question my physical abilities and no one else will, either. I'm dying to feel the satisfaction of proving wrong that idiotic doctor who diagnosed my CP and had the nerve to say "He is not likely to be athletic." To some, I may have crossed the line between high self-confidence and being egotistical, but I don't care. I will achieve that goal someday.
I feel like conquering my obstacle will teach me true appreciation. I'm starting to think that was the point from the beginning.
This isn't easy for me. I am a work in progress!!
While I thought about it, this question came to mind: do the people that have something others want feel as grateful and appreciate its value as the outsider who does not have it, but wants it?
With lots of help, support, and phone calls, I have been working to change my endlessly jealous attitude toward other people without CP (I've decided that it's my blog, I'll write whatever I want!). I am trying to get to the middle ground where I can accept that I have it, but don't feel sorry for myself.The hardest part is staying there. Nothing holds me back, nothing at all. I can't deal with this bullshit anymore! Call me arrogant, but I know I am meant for better things and I expect them, so I will work my hardest to earn them. I want to reach a point where I won't feel the need to question my physical abilities and no one else will, either. I'm dying to feel the satisfaction of proving wrong that idiotic doctor who diagnosed my CP and had the nerve to say "He is not likely to be athletic." To some, I may have crossed the line between high self-confidence and being egotistical, but I don't care. I will achieve that goal someday.
I feel like conquering my obstacle will teach me true appreciation. I'm starting to think that was the point from the beginning.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Answered Prayers?
Last night, I watched Capote. I like it enough that this was a repeat viewing. The film is about the true story of how Truman Capote wrote In Cold Blood, his famous "non-fiction novel", and how the experience affected him. The subject matter is bleak and depressing, but it is a good story and the film pulls it off very well. I thought Phillip Seymour Hoffman's performance in the title role was brilliant, too.
As a book, In Cold Blood was the first of its kind. It is based on the true story of the 1959 murders of four members of an innocent family in rural Kansas. Capote's goal was to write a non-fiction book that stayed as accurate as possible to the events, but gave the characters the depth and emotion that could be found in a work of fiction, hence the "non-fiction novel". In Cold Blood took six years to finish and was an incredible success when it was released. It is considered a classic today.
Capote traveled to Kansas and thoroughly researched for his book. This included many interviews with the two killers. The true accuracy of the book is debatable. As Capote interviewed Perry Smith (one of the killers), he felt a connection to Smith and a very strong friendship grew between the two of them. That would explain the sympathetic portrayal of Perry Smith in the book. During the research stage, Capote never wrote anything from his interviews down on paper or used tape recorders, so he could have easily changed events and details to suit his potential bias. It could have also been that Perry Smith put his own spin on what happened and it wasn't Capote at all. Capote would probably have been vulnerable because of his feelings for Smith. After all, if Perry Smith was capable of murder, wouldn't he be capable of being that manipulative?
After the killers were executed and In Cold Blood was published, Capote became an alcoholic for the rest of his life and never completed another book. His last, unfinished work, called Answered Prayers, begins with this quote:
"More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones."
It is sadly ironic because the publishing of In Cold Blood could be considered an answered prayer for Capote, but it left him an unhappy shell of who he once was. Or perhaps his prayer was answered, but in an unexpected way.
As a book, In Cold Blood was the first of its kind. It is based on the true story of the 1959 murders of four members of an innocent family in rural Kansas. Capote's goal was to write a non-fiction book that stayed as accurate as possible to the events, but gave the characters the depth and emotion that could be found in a work of fiction, hence the "non-fiction novel". In Cold Blood took six years to finish and was an incredible success when it was released. It is considered a classic today.
Capote traveled to Kansas and thoroughly researched for his book. This included many interviews with the two killers. The true accuracy of the book is debatable. As Capote interviewed Perry Smith (one of the killers), he felt a connection to Smith and a very strong friendship grew between the two of them. That would explain the sympathetic portrayal of Perry Smith in the book. During the research stage, Capote never wrote anything from his interviews down on paper or used tape recorders, so he could have easily changed events and details to suit his potential bias. It could have also been that Perry Smith put his own spin on what happened and it wasn't Capote at all. Capote would probably have been vulnerable because of his feelings for Smith. After all, if Perry Smith was capable of murder, wouldn't he be capable of being that manipulative?
After the killers were executed and In Cold Blood was published, Capote became an alcoholic for the rest of his life and never completed another book. His last, unfinished work, called Answered Prayers, begins with this quote:
"More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones."
It is sadly ironic because the publishing of In Cold Blood could be considered an answered prayer for Capote, but it left him an unhappy shell of who he once was. Or perhaps his prayer was answered, but in an unexpected way.
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