I was born with Cerebral Palsy. Even though it is a mild case, I hate it with a passion. Often I wonder why I have it. Only 2 in a 1000 babies are born with it. I think having CP is the kind of thing that some normal people (at least privately) are thankful happened to someone else other than them. To be fair, can you blame someone for thinking that? Having severe Cerebral Palsy is a living nightmare. Mild CP is not nearly as awful, but I still can't help but ask myself "What did I do wrong that the other 998 babies did right?".
Cerebral Palsy affects motor skills and movement. For me, the right half of my body is the side with CP. The left half functions normally. CP's affects on me include awkward posture and gait, toe walking (which I no longer have to deal with), a strength difference between my right and left sides, and an lessened sense of touch on my right side. I am also left-handed, which I believe is adapted from the weaker right side, which under normal circumstances would have been dominant. I also have epilepsy, although I have not had a seizure in several years.
To control the toe walking, I used to have to wear a leg brace. It covered the area from the middle of my right calf to my toes. The brace was made of hard, translucent plastic and attached to my leg with velcro straps. It forced my leg into a fixed position so that I could not toe walk. It was such a pain to wear. More often than not I would just take it off and walk "naturally". I toe walked up until the 4th grade. I had a heel cord lengthening surgery that has ended the toe walking ever since. The surgery was a significant improvement on my walking, but traces of my Cerebral Palsy still remain.
Harder than accepting that I have CP is the fact that there is no reason for it. I have Cerebral Palsy...but why? I think the lack of a definite answer is like trying to complete a jigsaw puzzle but missing a piece. I won't be able to see the whole picture, but what if I'm not supposed to? Maybe there's a point to me having it. Was my CP something that God gave to me? Why me? Is it a punishment, or does He have something to prove? No one knows...I just can't help being curious.
I hate my Cerebral Palsy, but I don't want to just sit around and whine about how unfair life is (even though that's the truth). My CP could be worse, but I'm still not satisfied with it. During my Freshman year, I decided to prove myself capable of doing everything normal people can. I thought that in order to do that, I would need to challenge myself by going against CP's effect on me, in other words, being athletic. I started with track and working out. I quit track and then tried wrestling next. After two broken collarbones in a calendar year, I decided to sit it out with that, too.
Even though I was not making progress at first, I have made strides with working out in the past year. I took a weightlifting class at school and daily workouts plus help from a friend has put me on the right track to reaching my goal. I am even now starting to see a noticeable difference since last August. I'm not even close to my goal yet, but I am proud of it.
My point with this is that I want to "conquer" my Cerebral Palsy. Even though I will have it forever, maybe I will have succeeded at feeling better about myself, if nothing else. I hope it works.
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