Emotion and Perception

This was not an easy blog to write. I wrote it to help me deal with an issue that is very personal to me. It was a stretch that I decided to blog about it at all.

Perception has several definitions. For the purposes of this blog, it means how one person sees events in their life from their own viewpoint. It has been said that everyone experiences life in a unique way, so every person would have a different perspective or perception about any given event. These perceptions are affected by emotions or aspects of one's personality, both positive and negative, and may alter them or sometimes be the cause of a perception. For the most part, my perspective on events has been formed with the input of those two factors to the point that they seem almost inseparable.

In the past, I've learned that this is often not a good thing. Most of my biggest mistakes were made because my emotions were involved. The more I think about it, I could have potentially made a lot more if I had openly expressed my initial opinion about a person or situation instead of silencing my emotions and waiting to see what happens. It's not a simple task, but I am working on a "pause button" to allow me to calmly stop and evaluate new things in my life before passing immediate judgment on them.

Emotion and perception have also had an effect on me in other ways. As with everyone else, my personality is a mixture of both good and bad traits. I believe these traits have been formed with the influence of my emotions. Despite my strengths, my flaws are that I can be a fearful, jealous, selfish, demanding, and resentful person. I realize that these are my problems particularly regarding my relationships with those closest to me. This is probably why my close friends can be counted on less than one hand. Those negative traits have also contributed to me being in a kind of antisocial bubble, which also doesn't help make friends. I tend to keep to myself for that is where I feel safest.

About a year ago, I met someone who pulled me out of my comfort zone. Meeting him has changed my life and the experience has taught me to be more open with someone else and trust that person without being afraid. He has since become my best friend and having him for support reminds me of how necessary friendships are. That's not to say that learning to trust him was easy at first, in fact, sometimes it still can be difficult, but that trust has never once been broken and every time afterward I have felt ashamed for my doubt.

I have decided. This next school year I am going to start a serious effort to make new friends, but at the same time strengthen instead of neglect the friendships I already have. If a fresh start was possible, I would choose it. Since that can't happen, I would appreciate it if the people I already know give me a chance.

The Last Airbender: or, Death by Dialogue

A movie based on Avatar: The Last Airbender had so much potential. It was capable of being an epic movie series. Finally, a film has been made, much to the unfortunate torture of the viewers.

M. Night Shyamalan has a lot of nerve. On his most recent project (called, rather creatively, The Last Airbender) he dared to add his typical credit "written, produced, and directed by...". Herein lies the films biggest flaw: Shyamalan's script. The script fails on nearly every level. Some lines are worse than in the unforgivably bad film adaption of Eragon. It has no humor, terribly done exposition, and characters who "have no inner monologue". The television series was better written by unknowns in comparison to the film version, which was penned by the supposedly skilled writer-director of The Sixth Sense. The performances are also noticeably lacking, in particular from Noah Ringer and Nicola Peltz, who respectively play the leading roles of Aang and Katara. Their emotionless interpretations are not helped by Shyamalan's dialogue.

On the positive side, the effects are nice and the sets are truly eye candy (that is, when one's eyes are not strained by the tacked-on 3D). Unfortunately, this aspect is only ever a contributing factor which cannot save a movie with a bland script, case-in-point James Cameron's Avatar.

When I walked into the theater, I came determined to like The Last Airbender, despite the overwhelmingly negative feedback. I've seen worse movies, but also much better ones. Regretfully, it is a film that I won't jump at the chance to watch again. See it at your own risk!

Keep Dreamin'

According to Dictionary.com, the first definition of a dream is "a succession of images, thoughts, or emotions passing through the mind during sleep." I think dreams are fascinating. Are they merely entertainment for the mind while a person is sleeping, or do dreams exist for a deeper purpose?

The nature of dreaming is so mysterious, yet what little concrete information we have about them is what makes them so interesting to me. From the oh-so-reliable Wikipedia, memorable dreams most commonly go together with REM sleep, while forgettable ones are most likely to take place during non-REM periods of sleep. Where my interest is concerned, though, the site has no solid information for what the meaning of dreams are. Then again, this is Wikipedia we're talking about. I doubt that any higher profile site could provide more clues, their guess is as good as mine.

Most of my dreams are randomly compiled bits of memories and thoughts made into one. While others are not based on reality at all. Only a few are formed from recent events in my life, while most come from obscure memories. If I think back far enough, my dreams start to mix with my earliest memories, then it becomes hard to distinguish between the two. That prompts the next question: at what age do memories begin? Another blog, another time.

I believe that dreams can potentially serve multiple purposes. On one level they can be viewed as brief escapes from the real world that are in the end harmless with no effect on one's life while awake. However, they may also be an outlet for a person's subconscious thoughts and emotions, an opportunity to express themselves without the chance of being judged. I think this is very healthy. In other cases, some dreams play on a person's worst fears, often (for me, at least) making use of these emotions. They can provide a painfully honest evaluation of yourself, and maybe be a useful way to discover how you really feel.

I have thought about making a serious effort to write down or at least remember my dreams upon waking up. If I challenge myself to stay committed to it, I may be able to reflect on them and that exercise could be unbelievably beneficial.

Camp Sherwin Stories

As promised, here is my blog about all those Labor Day Weekends at Camp Sherwin. I have so many fond memories of going to Camp that there is no way that I could possibly list them all here. Instead, I've selected the most memorable and/or infamous Camp stories.

Where to begin? At the beginning, of course! The Camp Sherwin tradition started when my dad was a kid as a trip with his immediate family. It has since grown to include most of my extended family on my dad's side who meet at Camp every Memorial and Labor Day Weekend.

Camp Sherwin allows visitors three options about staying in the campground: tents, space for campers, or rented cabins. As far back as I can remember, my extended family has rented two or three cabins closer to the camp entrance, while my immediate family have used Cooks Cabin, on the far end of Camp. The inside of our cabin has a room on either side with bunk beds, a kitchen area in the middle, and a bathroom (having a private one is a luxury, most cabins do not include it and communal bathrooms are the only option).

One night, after finally getting to sleep despite the thin, uncomfortable mattresses and perpetual squeaking of the metal bunk beds, I woke up in extreme pain on the wooden floor. I had apparently rolled off the bed (thankfully the lower bunk) and fallen to the floor face first, hard enough to knock both of my front teeth out. Despite the long-term awkwardness of having my teeth gone, it payed off the next morning. I must have made close to $20 from my family out of sympathy for my premature tooth loss.

One of my favorite places to go at Camp Sherwin is the beach. Camp was built near Lake Erie, so the beach is a relaxing, if a bit rocky, place to spend an afternoon and a spectacular place to watch the sun set. There is also plenty of beach glass and some of the samples I found on my most recent trip are great! Unfortunately, though, Camp is built on the edge of steep cliffs with the beach at the bottom. You can get to the beach two ways, either by taking a zig-zagging staircase through the woods to the beach, or by climbing the cliffs. Common sense took the back seat when on one occasion I chose the second option. Before I knew it, I slipped maybe ten feet and was freaking out before I managed to make it to the beach on all fours. Luckily, other people were there to help or I would have been stranded.



















Camp Sherwin's beach seems to go on forever, and I haven't taken the time to explore a lot of it, instead I normally stay close to the stairs to get back up to Camp. There is a cement pier not too far from the stairs. A few years ago I remember feeling unusually adventurous and deciding to jump off the edge of the pier. The water was at the most five feet deep with sand at the bottom so the landing did not hurt. It would have been a perfectly harmless if not for the rusty but potentially dangerous metal spikes sticking out from the end of the pier. Fortunately, I didn't jump close enough to hurt myself. It was a fun experience, but not something I would ever try again.






I wish I could write more about my Camp Sherwin trips but to include them all would take up too much space. Going to Camp has become one of my favorite things to do all year. I hope that future visits will be just as fun and memorable.

Luck

Does luck exist? I'm debating whether or not it does. Do things happen in one way or another for someone's benefit or misfortune, or are they all preplanned events, or can anyone get lucky at random?

In some ways I lean toward the belief that luck does exist. I consider myself lucky to be the way I am. I would be better off if I was 100% normal, but since that won't change I consider myself quite lucky by comparison. In other words, it was my stroke of good fortune! (I've kept my day job after that one)

At the same time, though, I doubt my own theory about luck once I consider the people with severe CP. Was it just their luck that they happen to be the way they are, or was having CP or any disease/disorder part of some kind of plan (I like to think that someone up there isn't conspiring against them). Is my Cerebral Palsy, let alone how mild it is, just a random circumstance?

What if everyone has a personal plan? Is it okay to mess with it? It must be, because as far as I know my plan is a mystery, if there is such a thing at all. I guess faith is the key word here. Maybe the "plan" isn't exactly that, but rather an introduction followed by a blank outline, like preparing to write an essay. Maybe each person is set to begin their life in their individual and unique situation, whatever it may be, then from there they are on their own. That would support free will. Does God intervene at all? The questions are endless...

There must be an answer. However, I think that it is not something that human beings are meant to comprehend because thinking about it is so overwhelming. Again, faith is the only answer I can come up with. God is good.

Where to Go

I had this thought recently about my CP. I've been chewing on it for the past few weeks. Perhaps writing about it will help...after all, what else is this blog for?

Should I feel a need to help other people with CP? By this I mean volunteer work. Is advocating our cause enough, or is it just a lazy excuse for doing nothing? Did I even have the right to start that Facebook group if I have no intention of working with the United Cerebral Palsy of Nashville? I wonder if that makes me a hypocrite?

I'm coming to realize just how lucky I really am. My disorder could be a lot worse, and (I really) thank God it's non-progressive. I am convinced that my mild case is a blessing, if only one in disguise. The damage from my disease ( so sorry to offend you, politically-correct U.C.P. Nashville!) is much more emotional than it ever was physical. So...why not help myself, since I have this blessed opportunity. Looking at it this way and not taking it for granted, I can quit moping and seize my chance.

This may sound selfish, but I see it from a different angle. If I decide to help others with Cerebral Palsy in the future, for instance, via adoption, I could (if I had plenty of money) do so without pressure or feelings of obligation. The fact that I can move, talk, and fit in well enough with the normal population is itself a gift to be thankful for. Besides, If I do say so myself, the people I would help would probably see me as a role model for others with mild cases, but what good is a role model who hasn't successfully achieved any of their own goals?

It's not that I do not care about other people with Cerebral Palsy, since living with it sucks, and people with severe cases will need care for a lifetime. I hope I do not come across as bragging in this blog, because that is not my point. I'm just putting to words how I honestly feel.