Acceptance

Acceptance is a very difficult concept for me to grasp. The problem is that I have trouble letting go of the past. I struggle with forgiving other people, forgiving myself, and moving on when I feel that either I made a serious mistake or was unfairly treated. Sometimes my attitude can be justified, but more often I tend to use it as an excuse to be angry at others. My grudges are hurtful to those people that are close to and care about me. To those people, know that I'm sorry and am trying to get better (hence this blog). What's done is done. That phrase should be burned into my brain.

Of course, this applies to how I feel about why I have Cerebral Palsy. I think anyone familiar with my previous entries could have seen this coming for miles. What can I say? In the past few months, calling me obsessed with finding a reason for my CP is major understatement. Since there is no chance of losing it, I can't help but want to know why I have my disorder. Even with thorough research, I have not come any closer to answering that question. The trail went cold 17 years back. Besides, if I understood the truth of the matter, it would likely cause more pain than it's worth to know. Maybe that's why it was left unexplained. This is the only conclusion: what's done is done. It's not definitive nor is it satisfying, but it is the conclusion. I just have to make peace with the fact that I have CP and move on.

True, what happened to me in the past was unfair, but I should feel very lucky to have a bright future.