Middle Ground

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. ~Alexander Graham Bell

That quote describes me perfectly. When I want something, I obsess over it until it's mine, and under appreciate what I already had. If I do appreciate what I have, I am thankful for it but in the back of my mind I think, "What's next? Is there more?". The fact that I struggle with jealousy doesn't help, it just adds to the selfishness. I'm not proud of it and I want to break the cycle, even though it won't be easy for me.

I plan to start helping people with severe Cerebral Palsy at school. At the very least, I want to meet them. I feel like it would be a learning experience for me, and I would like to understand how they view their lives and cope with their disorder, since I only know a taste of what living with CP is like. After that, I can reevaluate my own problems.

I also want to do this because I have a connection with them and feel that in a small way I can relate. Is that being selfish? I've been confused about that for a while. Ever since I found out that I have Cerebral Palsy, I have felt torn between feeling victimized by my disorder or moving on and remembering that nothing holds me back. Should I help others or help myself? I want to find a middle ground. It's possible to do both, but where should the priority be? I want to help people with severe CP, but it would be ungrateful for me to ignore how lucky I am and be the best I can be. Where do I stand?