True Appreciation

I am a jealous person, no doubt about it. I am jealous normally in a restrained, quiet way. I rarely openly express it. I tend to allow my jealousy and resentment to build up inside me before sooner or later it explodes in rage. Mostly, if not always, my anger stems from jealousy. As it relates to my loved ones and the people I care most about, I have to remind myself quite often that if I really love them, I would not allow mean-spirited jealousy to get in the way. I also have to remember that jealousy is an emotion that comes from fear, not love.

This isn't easy for me. I am a work in progress!!

While I thought about it, this question came to mind: do the people that have something others want feel as grateful and appreciate its value as the outsider who does not have it, but wants it?

With lots of help, support, and phone calls, I have been working to change my endlessly jealous attitude toward other people without CP (I've decided that it's my blog, I'll write whatever I want!). I am trying to get to the middle ground where I can accept that I have it, but don't feel sorry for myself.The hardest part is staying there. Nothing holds me back, nothing at all. I can't deal with this bullshit anymore! Call me arrogant, but I know I am meant for better things and I expect them, so I will work my hardest to earn them. I want to reach a point where I won't feel the need to question my physical abilities and no one else will, either. I'm dying to feel the satisfaction of proving wrong that idiotic doctor who diagnosed my CP and had the nerve to say "He is not likely to be athletic." To some, I may have crossed the line between high self-confidence and being egotistical, but I don't care. I will achieve that goal someday.

I feel like conquering my obstacle will teach me true appreciation. I'm starting to think that was the point from the beginning.